Being a parent is the most difficult phase of life as we are responsible for the way we mould our child. It is also the most memorable and precious moments of our life which we all cherish. Parenting is a task where we never stop learning. We get better and better with years and learn parenting skills form fellow parents. Mr. K.K. GUPTA Retired Principal and Regional Academic Head, Atomic Energy Education Society, Mumbai opines the ABCDE of parenting through MENTOR.

Accept your child as he is………..
Expectations are probably one of the hardest battles for a child to combat. Parents must realize that children have very little exposure to the greater stresses of life and having unrealistic expectation will only increase the burden on them. While parents should make efforts to augment the skills of their child, they must accept the imperfection as well. As adults we often tell our friends and colleagues that ‘nobody is perfect’, but we often forget that this applies to-our children as well. You will notice that once we accept the good, bad and the ugly in our children, it gives them more confidence to face the very same problems and if they put their mind to it they might even overcome some of those problems. At the end of it all, they just want our support and as parents it is the least we can do.
Appreciate them……………
Every adult understands the importance of encouragement in life. In children, the significance of this is far more crucial. We encourage them when they do well in their endeavors, be it academic, sports or other non-scholastic activities; but when they fail in their activities, our tendency might not be quite the same.
The fame psychiatrist, Harold Hulbert once said, “Children need love, especially, When they do not deserve it.”Parents need to address their failures with enthusiasm and not contempt, for the difficult times are the ones that are etched in their memory. Being supportive of our children during their tumultuous time will only make them more confident individuals and enhance our friendship with them.
Be Affectionate………..
For parents, affection is feeling that is probably generated by default. No matter how rough the parenting ride gets, we need to be affectionate towards our children at all times.
But is this happening? In today’s time when we as parents are dealing with the stresses in our lives, when the time spent with our children is only reducing by the day, are we really being affectionate with our children at times? Children are not emotionally equipped to handle the burden of our tempers and many psychologists would concur that not showing adequate affection to children while they are growing up contributes to several psychological disorders in them these finer aspects of their behavior have a lasting impression on the minds of their children and can result in irreversible emotional damage.
Appeal to their good sense….
We all know that children want to be treated as adults. And when they are, they bask in the glory of this treatment for eternity. As parents we are aware of this burning desire in our children, but we must be careful to employ it accurately. You would have noticed that children sometimes surprise us with their acumen in challenging situations. This is only in accordance with the laws of nature. As the year pass by, the forthcoming generations will only get better and smarter; and as parents we need to be appreciative of their insight. However , if this is done one too many times, the child can get presumptuous which would again have a detrimental effect on their psyche. Parents

Become a child while you are with them….
Not everybody is good with children. It takes a few special attributes in an individual to be comfortable with children. Undoubtedly, one of them is the ability to be a child and think like one. As adults when we reminisce about our childhood, we almost instantly, want to be transported back in time to that world when we were of that tender age. When we are with children, it is our ability to communicate successfully with them at their level that will sustain our friendship. While this can be quite challenging for an adult, for he has to break through the shackles of debasement and vileness to interact with an innately innocent human being, it can be an incredibly overwhelming feeling. Children connect with individuals who develop this ability and as parents we must not shy away form doing this.
Believe in them ………..
A child’s thoughts, dreams and desires are always one of a kind. We must acknowledge that first before showing any response to them. Parents often undermine these early desires in a child as they are thinking as adults and not as children. Believing in your child’s dreams and desires will only make it easier for them to accomplish them.
The famous industrialist, Dhirubhai Ambani once said, ”For those who dare to dream, there is a whole world to win”. Most certainly, there could be times when our child’s dreams have no element of realism in them and this is when we need to be their guiding force and lead them in the right direction rather than dampen their spirit.
Be a role model……
No matter what, children are always waiting to be inspired. It is our obligation as parents to present ourselves in a manner that they will look up to. There are several instances when they grow up and there will always be few children who say they want to be like their parents, either the mother or the father.
Parents may not realize this immediately, but they play a multifaceted role once they bring a new life to the world. Being a role model is just one of them. Every action made by the parent is under the scanner of child’s mind. It could either shape their future for good or worse, depending on the action. This is probably why Robert Fulghum, famous American author said, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

Comparisons can be catastrophic….
Children with siblings are often troubled with the comparisons made by their parents. Are these comparisons truly justified? While it may be a natural tendency of parents to weigh the differences of one child against the other, this is considered more like a threat by children themselves. After all, every child has his own identity and comparisons with the siblings will only demoralize them.

Distance between you and the child can be devastating…
Day by day parental relationships are getting increasingly complicated. Parents certainly realize the impact of distance-both physical and emotional has on a child, but are they doing enough to abstain from the events that contribute to the distance? The increasing number of nuclear families and the gradual extinction of joint families are only contributing to this quagmire. There may not be much than can be done about the physical distance, but parents can certainly work on bridging the emotional distances. Spending considerable amount of time with the child every day, ensuring the family takes the meals together, taking short family trips are just a few things parents can do to help.

Discussion Deliberation and Decision…
Children today always have a pressing question for almost anything- ‘Why’. If you were to convince your child about a certain decision that has been taken for him/her without having to explain the rationale behind it, you are probably blessed to have such a child! There are innumerable parents who would cite the problem of having to explain to their child why they have taken a specific decision. This might seem unnecessary in all likelihood, but on further introspection, one might consider this positively. While parents need not explain the infinitesimal details about their decision-making process, just a few highlights would do no harm. If only, it would make the child more adept at making decisions and more responsible.

Educate, Enthuse, Empower….
Perhaps one of the most important attributes of a parent is the ability to educate a child. Several parents would insist that schools are responsible for imparting education; but given that children spend majority of the day outside school, many parents will corroborate the importance of the education they give children about the finer aspects of life-things that the schools can never address due to the obvious limitations. These could be simple necessities of life like being tolerant, appreciating the value of money and self-discipline, how to combat stress in school, to make significant decision with respect to their academics, and many more. Research has shown that the more time parents spend educating their child about these aspects, the more it will reinforce the child’s overall development.